Disappointment

Somewhere up above me, God is laughing pretty hard...we thought we made plans to leave this place and found out, today, that we're stuck for EVEN LONGER. So now I'm sitting here wondering how/why AF leadership isn't willing to stick their "necks" out to better the people under them rather than making sure their best interest is being taken care of and most of them are on the way to retirement in the next few years? YES, I'm probably standing on my soapbox, but GEEZ we've been here for 4.5 years and have had our second assignment cancelled in less than 90 days...I've been in the military so I kind of know how things work vs. how they actually end up happening, but it's time to go and I want to pout because we're not leaving and my husband is deploying again because less than half of the squadron is capable of taking a tasking to the desert o__O Seriously, weren't they kicking people out that weren't "fit to fight"? So now it seems like a great idea to keep sending the same people in hopes that they don't come home to #1 an empty house (deployments take a toll on families too) or #2 harm their family members because they're stressed to the MAX! Some way, some how their has to be a way for US to bring attention to situations like this....gotta be considered Fraud, Waste, and Abuse...right? As I step down from my soapbox, for now, I'll ask for prayers that we get ANOTHER assignment and then actually get to leave!

Unacceptable

I normally understand that kids WILL be kids, but today I almost lost it on a kid and their parent. We have an out of control kid at the bus stop whose parents turn their heads when he misbehaves and hope for the best. Well, "the best" this morning was almost be handling him myself! The rules of the stop haven't changed over the years, first to the stop equals first on the bus, now normally my son has no problems letting the other kids beat him to the stop, but this morning he was first...the little boy wasn't happy and ran toward my son and hit him, do you know his mom didn't even bother to get out of the car? So now I'm torn, should I go and ring their doorbell later this evening or call the school and let them handle it? I will say, "I'm extremely proud of my son for defending himself and his spot in line!", but almost irate at the act that parents aren't more willing to control their offspring. I said it yesterday and I'll say it again, "Just because you can (have kids) doesn't mean you should" and I'll step down from my soapbox...

Perspective

OK, it's been a while since I checked in, but between homework, housework, football, and Addison I've barely had the time to remember what day it is...lol! Since it's November (hard to believe) I've been updating FB everyday with something I'm thankful for and even though we're only six days in, a lot of things have been put into perspective and I'm not worried about the small things so much these days. From telling everyone who means something to me "I Love You" more often to teaching my kids the true meaning of the upcoming holidays, we've got a lot to be thankful for. I'm tearing up as I write this because I feel like I've done my kids a disservice by putting some of their wants over their needs; don't get me wrong they NEVER go without the things they need but I'm willing to admit that I go overboard when it comes to the things they want more often than not. If I were to ask our oldest what he was thankful for, chances are he'd say something material and for the most I understand that's kids in general but I think we'll head to the soup kitchen or homeless ministry in the near future so he'll have a better understanding of what's really important. My entire life is NOT as serious as I make it seem, we've been having a lot of fun together and my guess is that's what is making time fly by so quickly. B is out of here come 2013 and then we hope to all be out of her by the end of next year :-) With a degree under my belt (in April) it will be time to get back to work and see/do new things. Dreyson is doing better in school and Addison and Rambo are keeping the rest of us busy, lol! With any luck I can get back to regular posts, but in the meantime I hope all is well with friends and family

Feeling Guilty?

For the last few months we've been hoping for an assignment and all but, "put every egg in one basket" trying to get away from Moody AFB. Well, we still haven't heard anything and the hubs decided to "up the ante" by applying for a few special duties. Since a true application is involved, we've been on "pins and needles" (or at least I have) while waiting for some sort of communication from these organizations. I want nothing more than to leave here so I can get back to work and contribute to our savings account growing, jobs in the area are less than appealing and I've been working hard to get my degree and want to be paid more than just gas and daycare $$. Feelings of guilt come into play because I think I want to leave more than my husband does and if he doesn't get picked up I'll feel like it's my fault since I asked him to get us out of here :-( I pray every night for God to show us the right place, but I am a creature of instant gratification so the waiting is KILLING ME. Hopefully we'll hear something soon, but the end of September can't get here fast enough!

4 A Reason

Whether we are willing to admit it or not, Everything happens for a reason, right? Sometimes I want to ask God why, but I know better and I try take a few minutes to pout or whatever and then "keep it moving"! We found out that the military will take daddy away for a few birthdays and most of the summer and I was obviously sad when I heard the news and then I realized that he'll be here for the holidays and back in time to see out 4th grader begin school! There really is a silver lining to everything, finding it is usually the problem (at least for me). I heard someone say..."if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans" and I'm almost positive that He's doubled over laughing at me right this minute and instead of crying I'll have to laugh too because no too many things are going the way we planned, but I know that's for a reason and I'm hoping to find out what that reason is soon :-) The things I consider to be problems are minor in the grand scheme of things and I've been in an emotional mood for the last few days...so don't mind me, I'm just venting. We are healthy and happy and blessed in so many ways that I feel silly for using this post as my sounding board, but no one understands me like...me so I don't really feel like this counts as talking to myself, lol! We're off on another adventure...kind of think I'll be happy when school starts and we settle into a normal schedule again. In the meantime, I'm thanking God for good family and friends to help us through the trying times and laugh with us through everything else. Gotta go

Life happens

Since I'm out of class for the week and I have a mile-long to do list, it would seem that I'd be all over the list, but I can't get motivated to do anything. In theory I should know to work on what I can while "little miss" is sleeping, but I want to sleep too! There are lots of things on my mind (as usual) and I can't get my thoughts to stop at night so how is it possible that I can quiet them long enough to take a nap? Not to mention, wanting to shop...but it 100 degrees outside :-( Speaking of shopping, recently I've been feeling guilty if I find myself wanting to buy anything other than groceries or things for the kids? I don't work outside of the home and I know I deserve nice things, so why do I feel bad? It seems like it's time to step outside of my "comfort" zone and figure out the next part of my life. Yes, I'm a planner and usually get upset when things don't go as planned...so let's see what happens. Baby girl is napping, so I think I'll follow her lead and tackle that to-do list when we wake up!

A Mile A Minute

For the past few days I feel like my mind has been going nonstop, from family vacations, upcoming birthdays, and possible deployments to homework, housework, and everyday life...there is no time for ME. I'm pretty sure Addison is going through the infamous terrible twos and Dreyson is coming into his own and has had a slight attitude as well, so frustrated is the best word I can use to describe myself :-/ I've been taking classes constantly, with pretty decent grades, but this time around I think I've gotten the most overzealous online instructor who grades every assignment like her life depends on it...so on one hand I feel like I may have been cheated out of "good" instructors in the past and on the other hand, I'm aggravated with the fact the my GPA is going to suffer this term because she is satisfied with NOTHING. The hubs and I are hoping for an assignment out of GA and if we aren't worried about that enough, he comes home to tell me that a possible deployment is closer than we thought...In my mind I feel as though I go out of my way to make/keep everyone in my life happy or content (at the very least) and lately I haven't felt like the people around me are willing to return the "favor". Is it human nature to want to stop being so accommodating or should I feel bad for expecting the same treatment in return? I know people say, "to whom much is given..much is expected" and we were over the moon when B added a stripe, but it seems like he's NEVER home and when he's here he's still working, how can I help him find a balance between work and play when I struggle to find balance for myself? It hurts to see the kids so happy to see him at the end of the day and all he can do is fall asleep on the couch while I'm screaming on the inside for a break of my own. I feel so selfish sometimes, realistically I'm sure these are all the feelings of this thankless job called, "mom"...