A Mile A Minute

For the past few days I feel like my mind has been going nonstop, from family vacations, upcoming birthdays, and possible deployments to homework, housework, and everyday life...there is no time for ME. I'm pretty sure Addison is going through the infamous terrible twos and Dreyson is coming into his own and has had a slight attitude as well, so frustrated is the best word I can use to describe myself :-/ I've been taking classes constantly, with pretty decent grades, but this time around I think I've gotten the most overzealous online instructor who grades every assignment like her life depends on it...so on one hand I feel like I may have been cheated out of "good" instructors in the past and on the other hand, I'm aggravated with the fact the my GPA is going to suffer this term because she is satisfied with NOTHING. The hubs and I are hoping for an assignment out of GA and if we aren't worried about that enough, he comes home to tell me that a possible deployment is closer than we thought...In my mind I feel as though I go out of my way to make/keep everyone in my life happy or content (at the very least) and lately I haven't felt like the people around me are willing to return the "favor". Is it human nature to want to stop being so accommodating or should I feel bad for expecting the same treatment in return? I know people say, "to whom much is given..much is expected" and we were over the moon when B added a stripe, but it seems like he's NEVER home and when he's here he's still working, how can I help him find a balance between work and play when I struggle to find balance for myself? It hurts to see the kids so happy to see him at the end of the day and all he can do is fall asleep on the couch while I'm screaming on the inside for a break of my own. I feel so selfish sometimes, realistically I'm sure these are all the feelings of this thankless job called, "mom"...

A Mother's Woes

Dreyson is in camp this summer and that is a great thing, but I think I'm having a little bit of separation anxiety. Camp is going on a field trip to Tallahassee and I don't want him to go without one of us, yes I know he's growing up, but a field trip to another state is a big deal. The hubby says, "he'll be fine" and I'm sure that he will be, but this is the same child that isn't ready to spend the night with grandma... I don't want to force him into anything he's not ready for and I don't want to hold him back, what should we do?

Missing Her

Now that summer is upon us and Dreyson is out of school, I can't help but wonder how different things could have been if my babies were able to spend time with my mom? I looked over at Addison earlier today and saw her making a face that my mom made all the time, it made me smile, even giggle to myself and then I wondered had she met my mom in heaven before God gave her to us? Years before she was born, my mom had a dream that we spent the holidays together and we had Dreyson as well as a baby girl...could she see God's plan for us because she passed three weeks after that dream. I miss her more than I could ever imagine and swore time would stand still, but I look up and have an 8 year old son and soon to be 2 year old daughter and only have God to thank for getting me through such a great loss. I have managed to make great friends who are willing to listen to me talk about her and let me cry, no matter how long she's been gone. I can't wait for both kids to be truly old enough to listen to stories about her and understand just how special she was. For their sake (mine too) I must be sure that they know ALL of their family, blood and the ones we've "adopted" along the way, through their stories her memory will live on.

Nervous

After holding our breath for the last month or so, we found out that we won't be heading back overseas anytime soon. It didn't take long to decide to find another place here in the states that we'd like to live, so we applied for a base of preference assignment. From the DC area all the way to Arizona, we chose eight bases from a huge list and now we'll play the waiting game...again. Within the next 2 months or so we should find out whether a new home will be in our future. Now that we've applied and even though we haven't been approved, the thought of leaving my friends is making me sad. For what this little town lacks in excitement it definitely makes up for in good friends! I'm also a little nervous to get back into the workforce, but moving to a new place means more expenses...Valdosta has given me the opportunity to focus on my family and school because the cost of living is relatively low. I guess these are all "adult" feelings that I knew would surface at some point, I caught myself checking out job options and school districts and don't even know if we're moving. I kind of figure the more research I do now the less I'll have to worry about later, since we'll leave here roughly 90 days after the assignment comes down. Yes, I'm probably "pinging" prematurely, but that's who I am! Keeping my fingers crossed for good news, but I know that everything happens for a reason and we could be meant to be here for a while longer and I think I'm okay with that too...

Hmmmmm

After a fun filled day at Sea World, my family of four was tired and hungry with no idea what we wanted to eat. Thanks to a suggestion from the "oh so helpful" front desk we decided to check out Charley's steak house, but found we were underdressed and ended up at Longhorn instead...who knew the whole world would want steak at 8:30PM? Needless to say it took quite a while for us to have our orders taken (did I mention that we were ALL tired?) As usual our salads and appetizer came out first and I got "stuck" sharing my salad with the kids while "he" sat at the opposite end of the table and enjoyed his (alone). I got frustrated when I looked across the table and say "the boy" picking through my salad to find the crunchiest pieces of romaine and told him he could have the entire thing >:-/only to have my "darling" husband see the frustration all over my face and say, " I don't even know why you gave him your salad...he should have ordered his own". Our son is 8 and highly capable of ordering what he want, but GEEZ I'm guessing the sun wore him out and he forgot, last time I checked no one died from sharing a salad! So here is MY frustration (call me crazy), but was it necessary for hubby to make a huge deal about him not ordering his own or should he have shared a little of his house salad with raspberry vinaigrette? As I mother I am expected to share and generally don't have a problem with it, but the comments from the "Peanut Gallery" only add to my frustration on days like this. As nice as the day started, I'm going to sleep wondering where is the "backup"?

Far From Average

I don't consider myself to be the "average" military spouse, I've been in the military as well as away from my husband before, so when things need to be done....I am capable of making them happen. That being said, " I am slightly frustrated with the needy spouses of the world", from deployments to yard work, there is a way to ask for help without seeming completely dependent on someone else! I'll step down from my soapbox because I do need help sometimes, but most of the time you can't depend on anyone other than yourself. Overly needy women make the rest of us look helpless and I'd like to think I can do the same things a man can do even if it takes a little more effort on my part ;-)