Disappointment

Somewhere up above me, God is laughing pretty hard...we thought we made plans to leave this place and found out, today, that we're stuck for EVEN LONGER. So now I'm sitting here wondering how/why AF leadership isn't willing to stick their "necks" out to better the people under them rather than making sure their best interest is being taken care of and most of them are on the way to retirement in the next few years? YES, I'm probably standing on my soapbox, but GEEZ we've been here for 4.5 years and have had our second assignment cancelled in less than 90 days...I've been in the military so I kind of know how things work vs. how they actually end up happening, but it's time to go and I want to pout because we're not leaving and my husband is deploying again because less than half of the squadron is capable of taking a tasking to the desert o__O Seriously, weren't they kicking people out that weren't "fit to fight"? So now it seems like a great idea to keep sending the same people in hopes that they don't come home to #1 an empty house (deployments take a toll on families too) or #2 harm their family members because they're stressed to the MAX! Some way, some how their has to be a way for US to bring attention to situations like this....gotta be considered Fraud, Waste, and Abuse...right? As I step down from my soapbox, for now, I'll ask for prayers that we get ANOTHER assignment and then actually get to leave!

Unacceptable

I normally understand that kids WILL be kids, but today I almost lost it on a kid and their parent. We have an out of control kid at the bus stop whose parents turn their heads when he misbehaves and hope for the best. Well, "the best" this morning was almost be handling him myself! The rules of the stop haven't changed over the years, first to the stop equals first on the bus, now normally my son has no problems letting the other kids beat him to the stop, but this morning he was first...the little boy wasn't happy and ran toward my son and hit him, do you know his mom didn't even bother to get out of the car? So now I'm torn, should I go and ring their doorbell later this evening or call the school and let them handle it? I will say, "I'm extremely proud of my son for defending himself and his spot in line!", but almost irate at the act that parents aren't more willing to control their offspring. I said it yesterday and I'll say it again, "Just because you can (have kids) doesn't mean you should" and I'll step down from my soapbox...

Perspective

OK, it's been a while since I checked in, but between homework, housework, football, and Addison I've barely had the time to remember what day it is...lol! Since it's November (hard to believe) I've been updating FB everyday with something I'm thankful for and even though we're only six days in, a lot of things have been put into perspective and I'm not worried about the small things so much these days. From telling everyone who means something to me "I Love You" more often to teaching my kids the true meaning of the upcoming holidays, we've got a lot to be thankful for. I'm tearing up as I write this because I feel like I've done my kids a disservice by putting some of their wants over their needs; don't get me wrong they NEVER go without the things they need but I'm willing to admit that I go overboard when it comes to the things they want more often than not. If I were to ask our oldest what he was thankful for, chances are he'd say something material and for the most I understand that's kids in general but I think we'll head to the soup kitchen or homeless ministry in the near future so he'll have a better understanding of what's really important. My entire life is NOT as serious as I make it seem, we've been having a lot of fun together and my guess is that's what is making time fly by so quickly. B is out of here come 2013 and then we hope to all be out of her by the end of next year :-) With a degree under my belt (in April) it will be time to get back to work and see/do new things. Dreyson is doing better in school and Addison and Rambo are keeping the rest of us busy, lol! With any luck I can get back to regular posts, but in the meantime I hope all is well with friends and family

Feeling Guilty?

For the last few months we've been hoping for an assignment and all but, "put every egg in one basket" trying to get away from Moody AFB. Well, we still haven't heard anything and the hubs decided to "up the ante" by applying for a few special duties. Since a true application is involved, we've been on "pins and needles" (or at least I have) while waiting for some sort of communication from these organizations. I want nothing more than to leave here so I can get back to work and contribute to our savings account growing, jobs in the area are less than appealing and I've been working hard to get my degree and want to be paid more than just gas and daycare $$. Feelings of guilt come into play because I think I want to leave more than my husband does and if he doesn't get picked up I'll feel like it's my fault since I asked him to get us out of here :-( I pray every night for God to show us the right place, but I am a creature of instant gratification so the waiting is KILLING ME. Hopefully we'll hear something soon, but the end of September can't get here fast enough!

4 A Reason

Whether we are willing to admit it or not, Everything happens for a reason, right? Sometimes I want to ask God why, but I know better and I try take a few minutes to pout or whatever and then "keep it moving"! We found out that the military will take daddy away for a few birthdays and most of the summer and I was obviously sad when I heard the news and then I realized that he'll be here for the holidays and back in time to see out 4th grader begin school! There really is a silver lining to everything, finding it is usually the problem (at least for me). I heard someone say..."if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans" and I'm almost positive that He's doubled over laughing at me right this minute and instead of crying I'll have to laugh too because no too many things are going the way we planned, but I know that's for a reason and I'm hoping to find out what that reason is soon :-) The things I consider to be problems are minor in the grand scheme of things and I've been in an emotional mood for the last few days...so don't mind me, I'm just venting. We are healthy and happy and blessed in so many ways that I feel silly for using this post as my sounding board, but no one understands me like...me so I don't really feel like this counts as talking to myself, lol! We're off on another adventure...kind of think I'll be happy when school starts and we settle into a normal schedule again. In the meantime, I'm thanking God for good family and friends to help us through the trying times and laugh with us through everything else. Gotta go

Life happens

Since I'm out of class for the week and I have a mile-long to do list, it would seem that I'd be all over the list, but I can't get motivated to do anything. In theory I should know to work on what I can while "little miss" is sleeping, but I want to sleep too! There are lots of things on my mind (as usual) and I can't get my thoughts to stop at night so how is it possible that I can quiet them long enough to take a nap? Not to mention, wanting to shop...but it 100 degrees outside :-( Speaking of shopping, recently I've been feeling guilty if I find myself wanting to buy anything other than groceries or things for the kids? I don't work outside of the home and I know I deserve nice things, so why do I feel bad? It seems like it's time to step outside of my "comfort" zone and figure out the next part of my life. Yes, I'm a planner and usually get upset when things don't go as planned...so let's see what happens. Baby girl is napping, so I think I'll follow her lead and tackle that to-do list when we wake up!

A Mile A Minute

For the past few days I feel like my mind has been going nonstop, from family vacations, upcoming birthdays, and possible deployments to homework, housework, and everyday life...there is no time for ME. I'm pretty sure Addison is going through the infamous terrible twos and Dreyson is coming into his own and has had a slight attitude as well, so frustrated is the best word I can use to describe myself :-/ I've been taking classes constantly, with pretty decent grades, but this time around I think I've gotten the most overzealous online instructor who grades every assignment like her life depends on it...so on one hand I feel like I may have been cheated out of "good" instructors in the past and on the other hand, I'm aggravated with the fact the my GPA is going to suffer this term because she is satisfied with NOTHING. The hubs and I are hoping for an assignment out of GA and if we aren't worried about that enough, he comes home to tell me that a possible deployment is closer than we thought...In my mind I feel as though I go out of my way to make/keep everyone in my life happy or content (at the very least) and lately I haven't felt like the people around me are willing to return the "favor". Is it human nature to want to stop being so accommodating or should I feel bad for expecting the same treatment in return? I know people say, "to whom much is given..much is expected" and we were over the moon when B added a stripe, but it seems like he's NEVER home and when he's here he's still working, how can I help him find a balance between work and play when I struggle to find balance for myself? It hurts to see the kids so happy to see him at the end of the day and all he can do is fall asleep on the couch while I'm screaming on the inside for a break of my own. I feel so selfish sometimes, realistically I'm sure these are all the feelings of this thankless job called, "mom"...

A Mother's Woes

Dreyson is in camp this summer and that is a great thing, but I think I'm having a little bit of separation anxiety. Camp is going on a field trip to Tallahassee and I don't want him to go without one of us, yes I know he's growing up, but a field trip to another state is a big deal. The hubby says, "he'll be fine" and I'm sure that he will be, but this is the same child that isn't ready to spend the night with grandma... I don't want to force him into anything he's not ready for and I don't want to hold him back, what should we do?

Missing Her

Now that summer is upon us and Dreyson is out of school, I can't help but wonder how different things could have been if my babies were able to spend time with my mom? I looked over at Addison earlier today and saw her making a face that my mom made all the time, it made me smile, even giggle to myself and then I wondered had she met my mom in heaven before God gave her to us? Years before she was born, my mom had a dream that we spent the holidays together and we had Dreyson as well as a baby girl...could she see God's plan for us because she passed three weeks after that dream. I miss her more than I could ever imagine and swore time would stand still, but I look up and have an 8 year old son and soon to be 2 year old daughter and only have God to thank for getting me through such a great loss. I have managed to make great friends who are willing to listen to me talk about her and let me cry, no matter how long she's been gone. I can't wait for both kids to be truly old enough to listen to stories about her and understand just how special she was. For their sake (mine too) I must be sure that they know ALL of their family, blood and the ones we've "adopted" along the way, through their stories her memory will live on.

Nervous

After holding our breath for the last month or so, we found out that we won't be heading back overseas anytime soon. It didn't take long to decide to find another place here in the states that we'd like to live, so we applied for a base of preference assignment. From the DC area all the way to Arizona, we chose eight bases from a huge list and now we'll play the waiting game...again. Within the next 2 months or so we should find out whether a new home will be in our future. Now that we've applied and even though we haven't been approved, the thought of leaving my friends is making me sad. For what this little town lacks in excitement it definitely makes up for in good friends! I'm also a little nervous to get back into the workforce, but moving to a new place means more expenses...Valdosta has given me the opportunity to focus on my family and school because the cost of living is relatively low. I guess these are all "adult" feelings that I knew would surface at some point, I caught myself checking out job options and school districts and don't even know if we're moving. I kind of figure the more research I do now the less I'll have to worry about later, since we'll leave here roughly 90 days after the assignment comes down. Yes, I'm probably "pinging" prematurely, but that's who I am! Keeping my fingers crossed for good news, but I know that everything happens for a reason and we could be meant to be here for a while longer and I think I'm okay with that too...

Hmmmmm

After a fun filled day at Sea World, my family of four was tired and hungry with no idea what we wanted to eat. Thanks to a suggestion from the "oh so helpful" front desk we decided to check out Charley's steak house, but found we were underdressed and ended up at Longhorn instead...who knew the whole world would want steak at 8:30PM? Needless to say it took quite a while for us to have our orders taken (did I mention that we were ALL tired?) As usual our salads and appetizer came out first and I got "stuck" sharing my salad with the kids while "he" sat at the opposite end of the table and enjoyed his (alone). I got frustrated when I looked across the table and say "the boy" picking through my salad to find the crunchiest pieces of romaine and told him he could have the entire thing >:-/only to have my "darling" husband see the frustration all over my face and say, " I don't even know why you gave him your salad...he should have ordered his own". Our son is 8 and highly capable of ordering what he want, but GEEZ I'm guessing the sun wore him out and he forgot, last time I checked no one died from sharing a salad! So here is MY frustration (call me crazy), but was it necessary for hubby to make a huge deal about him not ordering his own or should he have shared a little of his house salad with raspberry vinaigrette? As I mother I am expected to share and generally don't have a problem with it, but the comments from the "Peanut Gallery" only add to my frustration on days like this. As nice as the day started, I'm going to sleep wondering where is the "backup"?

Far From Average

I don't consider myself to be the "average" military spouse, I've been in the military as well as away from my husband before, so when things need to be done....I am capable of making them happen. That being said, " I am slightly frustrated with the needy spouses of the world", from deployments to yard work, there is a way to ask for help without seeming completely dependent on someone else! I'll step down from my soapbox because I do need help sometimes, but most of the time you can't depend on anyone other than yourself. Overly needy women make the rest of us look helpless and I'd like to think I can do the same things a man can do even if it takes a little more effort on my part ;-)

Ahhhhhhh

This week is flying by and I feel like there is nothing to show for it, a book for the next set of classes arrived yesterday and so did an email from one of my instructors. We're supposed to take a small vacay and I'm wondering how I'm supposed to relax with homework on the horizon? Not to mention the fact that I can't breathe because we're waiting for an assignment, yes GA allowed me to start/finish school without having to work, but I feel like I'm losing my identity w/o work and adult interaction. An overseas assignment would be great, but at this point (4 years) in Valdosta....I'd be happy to just leave the state :-) Day 2 of Zumba down and an hour spent at the pool makes me VERY TIRED and it's not even dark out o__O so,  what am I going to do when I add homework and two miles to my days?  Ahhhh well, I guess I'll rest when I graduate!

Make it Count

Usually when I have a break in school, I catch myself thinking a lot and today I realized that 30 is right around the corner. For those of you that know me well, you know my family is my WORLD, after losing my maternal grandfather at 36 and my mother at 43, I looked at my kids and decided that I need to do everything I can to stick around to see them graduate, get married, and have families of their own. So, today I started Zumba and yesterday I "promised" a friend that I would walk/run 2 miles a day starting June 1 :-) Aside from promising myself that I wouldn't quit, I am putting this out into the universe...so feel free to ask me about my progress, lol! Today's Motto: Out with the old, in with the new

Feeling Crafty

Since I'm out of school for the next week, I feel the need to make something! Not sure if it will be shoes or a tutu for baby girl or something sweet for the family to try, maybe both. The weather outside if frightful (thanks Tropical Storm Beryl), but I think this is the perfect weather to stay inside and make something....let's see what happens, pics to come.